Not sure why I’m feeling what I feel today. All day this overwhelming sense of anxiousness. This is so not Arleen. An astrologer friend on Facebook told me that the Supermoon this weekend in my sign of Scorpio would make scorps feel out of sorts, to put it mildly. Maybe its just exhaustion from burning both ends of the candle lately. Very little sleep, getting up at 3 a.m. after awhile it all begins to bear down on you. So I need to rest this weekend. Recharge the batteries. Meditate and center.
I recently started to draw again after a very, very nasty case of artist block. That was very releasing to draw this house I had been admiring. I actually cried while drawing it. I felt this connection to it. She is a stately house; much like myself in her day, I can imagine she turned a few heads. Gentle lines, curves in all the right places.(Hence the reason for the photo of me in 1995) Then time took its toil. I can only imagine what time did to that house, but the renovation on it is breathtaking to say the least. Got me thinking, maybe I could do a little “reno” on myself. I have always heard of aging gracefully. To me that means, never letting them see you sweat when you look in the mirror. Damn gravity, it does take over.
As I read back my words I feel a sense of guilt for sounding so self absorbed. I saw a lot of that type of superficial behavior when I lived out west, not very appealing to me. I suppose from time to time though it is only human to feel those feelings.
Since I am in the middle of my soul searching for 2012, I might as well explore another thought and comparison about this house. I wondered did the house feel lonely the years it sat vacant? If it did, I understand. I did and still do have days of loneliness. I am happy the house now has someone to love her and appreciate her, makes me hopeful I will find someone as well. I miss those days. Oh forgive the shades of “gray” tonight. Sleep awakes and dreams to follow. In mine tonight I get a new “coat of paint”. Yes, probably red.
A better tomorrow awaits,