This picture was taken in 1997. It’s my Dad, Me & Momma. I usually pull out the picture on special occasions. Today is Father’s Day. This is the 4^th Father’s Day without Daddy here.  I miss him terribly. Not a day goes by I don’t think of him.

I can’t begin to explain the dynamic in mine and my Dad’s relationship. I knew he loved us all but he rarely said it. I knew it though. Such an occasion was the day of my first marriage. It was a beautiful church wedding. Daddy gave me away. When the music started playing he said, “You know I don’t think you should do this and if it don’t work you can come home, but I’ll walk you down the aisle.”  He lowered my veil and down the aisle we went. Four months later when the marriage ended, I came home in a pool of tears. He said, “Hush that crying you’re better off without the bastard.”  That was how he showed love.  It was there, unspoken but present. Kind of like a force of nature, you know the clouds are up there even if you don’t hear the wind rushing by.

That is what made his passing so hard for me. He was always there. Quietly there, then he wasn’t. When I was a little girl I use to have these nightmares that I would wake up and be alone. He or Momma would be gone. 46 years later it happened and I wasn’t prepared. Of course we never are.  The last days of my Dad’s life were not physically pleasant for him and I know now that he is at peace. That knowledge that he is at peace comforts me.   

The last years we watched alot of TV together. He loved westerns. I can still hear him spit his tobacco and say, “watch this; he’s fixing to pin their ears back!”  Even today that still makes me smile.  It’s those memories I carry with me. Death can’t change the fact I’m Dad’s little girl.. I shall always be, Arleen Cornelius, Arley’s little girl. Happy Father’s Day Daddy, I miss you and love you dearly!