Tag Archives: Change

Alzheimers Blog For Momma

I spent a little time this morning just quietly sitting on my back porch. A warm cup of coffee and s a cool early autumn breeze in October. Several shades of yellowing leaves greet me with their grand display of nature’s beauty. I suppose another way to phrase it is the rhythm of nature. Everything evolves along its chosen path; the leaves are no different. Some are beginning to experience one last pirouette toward the ground. They have danced their last dance. It comes to us all, that last dance in life. I am witnessing that right now with my Mother. She has advancing Alzheimer’s. I have never seen a battle in life she could not win, this one may be the exception. I can’t begin to express the gut-wrenching angst and toll it takes on all involved. This disease is a horrid foe. It robs my loved one of her most precious possessions, her memories. I see her struggle to remember names of people who have crossed her path in life. Old friends from school. A boyfriend before my Dad, I never knew existed. She has told me the stories in the past so many times I know them by heart. Now, she asks me to tell her what she can’t remember. She knows she is forgetting something but she can’t quite formulate what it is she is forgetting. I know when it is happening. I see her eyes darting from side to side with nervous frustration. The body forgets as well. I never knew till now that the body literally forgets how to swallow. Her brain no longer processes taste. She craves sugar. That is because sweet is the last taste the body remembers. Her legs will forget how to walk and she will no longer know how to brush her hair. Yet, she struggles to remember. It is at these moments I touch her hand and tell her I love her. A gently touch to let her know she is not alone. She doesn’t understand what is happening to her but she knows something is different. I try to take a few moments like I did this morning to breath before my day begins. This is one of most emotional, physically and mentally exhausting things I have ever done. This job, my job, does not pay in dollars and cents. It pays in a currency one cannot spend on life’s luxuries. It pays in the moral, soul confirming knowledge that I have done the right thing in life. My time was not wasted. I made a difference to one very beautiful soul, my Mother. We can all do our part in the battle against this disease. You can donate your time to walk in the Alzheimer’s walks all across our nation. Raise money, raise awareness. If you can’t do that, retweet the tweets that bring awareness. Knowledge is power. Another way one can help is to just be kind to others as you go about your day. Spread love, light and peace as you travel your own path. It’s not a long journey people. Before you know it your experiencing your own last pirouette. Make it count!

Until next time, peace and love.



Life Changes

Well, to say the past month has been filled with life changes would be an understatement.
So the month of April started off with my anticipation of actually getting into the OR, at long last. The first couple of weeks were great. I scrubbed in on several GYN cases, a couple of breast reconstructions, a mastectomy. I even saw a penile debridement ( that was interesting to say the least). The smells didn’t bother me, the sights didn’t either. The doctors were great, even taking time to teach me. The problem came after only 4 days in; I began to really feel the physical strain of it all. Standing in one confined spot for hours was so hard on my knees. They swelled to the point I had to stay off my legs to be able to go back in the next Monday.
The 3rd week I had what the clinic Dr thought was stomach flu combined with a nasty sinus infection. I literally got nauseous in the OR. So by this time I am beginning to think maybe this was not my best idea. This entire year I have gone to class faithfully, great grades (President’s list) but when the rubber hit the road so to speak my body wasn’t having it. So this brings me up to the 5th Week. It’s Sunday. I ask “If I’m not meant for this please give me a sign or strength to endure it” I got a sign alright- heart palpatations with PVC’s, a BP of 158/98 and a trip to the ER where the Dr. tells me I need a heart cath, problem is : no insurance. So the answer was:rest. I withdrew from classes the next day. I will be honest, I am incredibly hurt to not graduate. But I have to be sensible. My momma depends on me too, so I have to account for her well-being in my decision. I had to rest.
Rest has made a world of difference. To try and process all this, I began to pull all my art materials back out. I am painting again and feeling better.
So for me I have to figure out making a living. Central sterile is not as stressful or physically demanding so that is an option. Right now though I’m listening to my creative voice and resting for a few weeks.